Oooh that got your attention didn’t it? If for no other reason but because the American ‘Mom’ language riled you! Ha! But it’s deliberate.
The reason it’s there is because I went to the cinema with a group of lovely friends last night to see Bad Moms Christmas. It was hilarious! I highly recommend it. If you saw the first Bad Moms then you would have been compelled to go and see this one too so if this is news to you then you must see them both. Why?
OK, so this week’s rant does come through the lens of being a mum but please don’t let that put you off if you are not the owner of offspring. The principles here apply to general female existence.
The single best thing about the film is that IT MAKES YOU FEEL OK WITH YOURSELF! I deliberately avoided the use of the word ‘normal’ because I hate that word. It’s boring and dull and who wants to be normal anyway?
The second best thing about the film is that it has you howling with laughter and if you know anything about our secret number 7 (You’re Pretty On It) we work on our Fuck It Philosophy of which one principle is to lighten up, take things less seriously and have a bloody good laugh.
Ok, so down to business. Why go and see this film and why is it good to be a “Bad Mom”?
I conclude that there are 3 good reasons:
- It’s good for you and it’s important to get out with your friends. As a busy mum of 3 daughters, running 2 businesses, I rarely make time for myself to go out and socialise as ‘me’. My children have a better social life than me and I spend my time as ‘Mum’s taxi’ ferrying them about. The last time I went for a drink with one of my friends my children guilt tripped me with “You’re abandoning us mummy!” I stuck to my guns and still went with that pang in my tummy. When I returned at 9.30pm my middle child was sat up in bed, arms folded and a furrowed brow. Upon enquiring to understand what this body language was indicating I was very directly informed “You lied. You said you were going out for an hour and it’s been 2” I was astounded! I was being reprimanded by my 11 year old daughter. That required a swift and direct re setting of expectations and boundaries in our relationship! (It also created a fair bit of snot and tears!) To be a good mum, means taking time out for you. Being what may feel like ‘selfish’ but you’ll soon get the hang of it! Being surrounded by a group of like minded women can do wonders for confidence, self worth and mental health! Just make sure it’s the right group of people. Great women should support each other, not tear each other apart.
- It liberates you and brings back your personality. Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder where that girl went? Have you turned into ‘Mundane Mandy’ and ‘Regimented Routine Rita’ or a ‘Boring Brenda’? If you’ve read our back story of why our business is called Violet & Charlie then you’ll know that we’re all about getting back to the purest and best version of ourselves – that time when we believed we could be or do anything, we had no fear, anything was possible, our imaginations run free and we were untouched from the rules & policies that society imposes on us and tarnishes our shine over the years. Being a bit naughty, breaking the rules, throwing caution to the wind and being spontaneous gives us back our spark and zest for life! And while we might be being a bit of a ‘bad mum’ in the act, it makes for a better mum in the moment with our kids.
- My last reason for being a “Bad Mom” is it releases you from the notion of perfection and ‘keeping up with the Jones’. There’s nothing I find more infuriating than a parent’s playground conversation that is fake and inauthentic because it is so pretentious. I meet many women whose predominant stress factor is “What will everyone else think?” Fuck what they think! And anyway, they’re too busy worrying what everyone thinks of them to care what you’re doing (or not). So give up on baking amazing fucking cakes for the bake sale, just bloody buy some! Nuff said!
Even though the film is funny, it ends on quite a sentimental note with a pretty powerful message. One that struck a chord with me and gave me a little lump in my throat and a bit of a watery eye. This Christmas edition of Bad Moms is centred around the expectations and pressure we feel from our own mums and how that impacts us trying to be a mum ourselves. What was enlightening in the Peak End to this film was how what, on the surface appeared to be critical, nit picky and disappointed mums of mums, turned out to be a wonky play out of their own insecurities in how they parented us. Underneath all that behaviour was a big heart filled with love and pride that just wanted the best for us. It demonstrated how easy it is that behaviour breeds behaviour which can very easily result in a fractured and tenuous relationship. Simply viewing that behaviour through your mum’s frame of reference and trying to understand her view and experiences of the world can allow for a much deeper connection and enriched relationship – it takes a fair degree of humility and skill to do that.
So, go see the film!
If you’d like to learn to say “Fuck It” and give less of a shit what other people think, lose the stress and notion of perfection or develop the humility and skill to build the best relationships with those in your life (mum or otherwise) then come and be a “Bad Mom” with a great group of supportive and likeminded women and join the Violet and Charlie Members Club!