Why am I blogging about envy?
Well, I’ve experienced it myself quite a lot lately. Here am I working hard to get the business I’m hugely passionate about off the ground (any help gratefully received btw – just hit share on this post, job done!) and yet I feel encompassed by others speeding past me with no effort at all, feet up on the dash, filing their nails – FFS! And I don’t like it!!! Even more, I don’t like me for how I react. So what the feck is going on there? Let’s explore….
Upon investigation, it’s a perfectly normal human reaction is envy (ooh that was very northern, weren’t it?). Envy and jealousy are emotions. They are different though, but can be addressed in the same way. Envy is a reaction to lacking something whilst jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something – opposite sides of a coin I guess? Envy is known as “The art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.”
These emotion are NOT BAD. They do not make you a bad person. They are extremely uncomfortable emotions which cause our self worth to plummet. I’ve talked many times before about the fact that as human beings we are ultimately driven in everything we do in a quest for self-worth. Every action, every behaviour is chasing that goal. That doesn’t mean we always get it right though, sometimes wonky application occurs! That’s often due to the stress of feeling shame, guilt, embarrassment even for feeling envious. Our defence mechanism kicks in and we go into self-preservation mode. That’s when we start acting like a twat. Envy and jealousy are one of the most potent causes of unhappiness. No wonder it gets labelled “The Green-eyed Monster”. But that’s not true – not if you choose to look at it through a different lens anyway.
We’re warned of the danger of comparison, getting sucked into the black hole of ‘never enough’. Primarily the blame these days is laid at door of Facebook and Instagram and possibly other more ‘down with the kids’ social media platforms that I have no clue whatsoever about, but my kids do! Through that different lens though, we can use it to our advantage. Generally speaking, when we feel envy or jealousy, we’re not wishing horribleness on the other person, we’re still a good human and want that person to be happy. We just unknowingly ache for what they have got ourselves! And if we could just see it, there would be the pivotal moment that would be the catalyst to make the shift from envy to inspo!!!
Envy’s real job is to help us learn lessons and grow. We can use it as evidence to know that want you want is actually possible! To move it on from being a sub-conscious pipe dream into full throttling, hardcore action towards a goal!
So, if you are experiencing envy over someone else’s relationship, financial situation, career, business, child spawning….. whatever, then here’s my top tips to turn that envy into inspo:
- Have some fucking compassion for yourself will you! Cut yourself some slack., There is nothing to be gained from beating yourself up about it. Move the fuck on and be kind to yourself. It is a NORMAL, HUMAN EMOTION.
- Step off the ‘Gram – take a digital detox from all that false reality bollocks. Go and look at some real shit for a while – like the sky & the clouds, some animals, some nature – the big wide world is awaiting!
- Question the emotion – check in with what’s exactly going on for you – what’s it firing up in your belly. Is it envy, is it jealousy? Is it something else? Whatever it is….. put a fucking sticker on it so you know and it knows what it is.
- Dig deep – here comes the tough and tricky bit. What is it telling you about yourself? What is it that it says about your dreams that you may have been neglecting? What have you been burying? Denying? Hiding from? Scared of? Uncover those passions and dreams.
- Reframe your thinking – let me remind you the point of envy – it is not to make you feel shitty. It is to help you learn and grow – so let it! Correct any wonky beliefs that may exist by having a stern word with yourself in the mirror!
- Set goals and go after them! Start small – what’s the one thing you can do every day to move yourself forward towards achieving that goal.
- Practice gratitude – be thankful for the things in your own life – a starter for ten? YOU ARE ALIVE!!! Live the fucking thing! Remember…. envy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Just start counting your own.