On Monday this week something happened to me that I haven’t experienced in a long time. And it felt liked I’d been toe pecked right in the fanny!
Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone’s behaviour or actions that has left your blood boiling and not known how to deal with it?
Without going into detail, someone took a dislike to me in a work situation and used their positional power to give me the hoof without having the tits (female version of having the balls obvs) to have that conversation directly with me!
I got feedback THIRD HAND that she didn’t like the way I was landing and wanted me out of the picture. I wasn’t given the opportunity to find out what specifically about me had caused the issue for her.
THIS LEFT ME RAGING (naturally)!!!
I had a 4 hour drive home in which to fester over it too, just to top it off!
The impact that this can have can be sadness, hurt, upset, anger, frustration, depression, anxiety and stress! So it’s serious!
Anyhow, it’s 48 hours later and I’m now totally over it! That took a great deal of hard work and effort though, it would be soooo easy to stew over this for weeks and actually let it affect me for months or even knock my confidence for years! No fucking way José!!
So, if you answered YES to the question above and you’ve found yourself in a similar predicament, here’s my top tips on how to deal with it swiftly and sophisticatedly (is that even a word? It is now! Spellchecker never underlined it in red so must be!)
1. Press the pause button – don’t fly off the handle, you’ll probably say something you’ll regret. By pressing the pause button, maybe count to 10, walk away, pinch a certain part of your body like your ear lobe, you allow yourself the space to choose your response. This means you don’t have to ‘react’ based on mood/feeling/circumstance. You can ‘respond’ based on principles and desired results. So in this space, ask yourself: what result am I trying to achieve and what’s important about the way that I get that result? You’ll be amazed how different those 2 outcomes can be!
2. Find a safe place to ‘vent’ at your earliest opportunity – it can be very beneficial to get things off your chest, providing it’s in the right place and it’s not just about having a moan. If you keep everything in your head it festers and stews and your brain does nothing productive with it, driving yourself crazy! The physical act of saying it out loud allows your brain to actually process what’s happened, rationalise and make sense of it and this needs to take place before you can move onto step 3 and begin to look at solutions. Give yourself permission to spend a bit of time in this space with someone who will JUST LISTEN! We don’t want any advice giving machines at this point, that’s unhelpful! (Just don’t wallow in it for too long!)
3. Strip out the emotion – now you’re ready to ditch the feelings associated with the situation. Strip all that out and deal with the facts of the matter. Be a bit more long term in your approach here and work out what will serve you well to move forward for the future. Some positive evidence and affirmations may be useful here to get your mindset back on track. Remind yourself how brilliant you are and that this experience has given you learning and made you stronger for the future.
If you’re interested in what I did…..
I had to sit for the afternoon bubbling away internally and putting on a brace face.
The minute I got in the car I rang Chloe and my husband and had a rant about it (swearing lots really helps!!).
I had a glass of wine when I got home and reminded myself of all the people and clients who give me wonderful and amazing feedback everyday and banked that because the ratio would look something like this: 1,000,000:1
I’ll take that!!!
Got up the next day and had a blast with a client that asks for me back time after time and had a super day!
If you want to know more then keep your eyes peeled as this weeks Fuck It Friday vlog will be the live footage of me decompressing!!!
For lots more tips on similar situations join our community here at violetandcharlie.com by putting your email in the box on the homepage and get our FREE 7 secrets in 7 days!
Lots of love