It’s International Happiness day today and given we’re in the business of helping women live the happy and fulfilling life they deserve it seemed very apt that we should contribute in some way.
Now, we’re kind, thoughtful, caring and sharing kind of gals, so we want to spread the love and share our 7 habits of happy and fulfilled women with you lovely ladies!
Habit 1 – Work out your why
At a foundational level, a lot of unhappiness (and low confidence) stems from not having a strong sense of purpose, of feeling like the stuff you do everyday makes a difference. Whether that be in work or at home, if your efforts go unnoticed or seem to contribute little value then this can leave us feeling like ‘what’s the point?’ That is a swift downward spiral to unhappiness. Many women we meet have no sense of purpose, some have never had one, others have lost it along the way as life has changed. As human beings we are fundamentally driven by a sense of self-worth. In order to lay the foundation to a happy and fulfilling life you have to do the groundwork and that means taking some time out to understand what it truly is that drives your sense of self worth. According to the works of Tony Robbins, there are 6 basic human needs and we’re all driven by each of these to a greater or lesser degree (and it can vary over time) so it’s important to know what these are and regularly check in with yourself and evaluate where your needs lie and if they are being fulfilled in a healthy way. I say healthy because, if a need is not being met in the way it should be, we unconsciously resort to finding a way to fulfill it unhealthy. When we know our needs we can being to work out our why. Working out your why is about answering some deep questions about yourself – about who you are, what you stand for and what legacy you wish to leave behind.
Habit 2 – Practice and prioritise self-care
Women seem to have this innate characteristic of always putting others before themselves. I know, I know, it’s a primal thing! But hey…. We don’t live in a world like that anymore. It’s time to get with the programme girls! C’mon, you don’t need me to tell you that you’d benefit from putting yourself first more often. Actually, other people benefit from it too – when you’re happy, everyone else is happy! I’m going keep this one short and sweet – you’re familiar with the airplane oxygen mask analogy aren’t you? Yeah, you got it – always fit your own mask before helping anyone else with theirs. Now cut the excuses and get to it!!! Whatever self care means to you – look after number one.
Habit 3 – Surround yourself with great women
Now, this one is super important. It’s one that I’ve fallen foul of a few times in my life. I’m talking about your friends, your network, your female fans… whatever you want to call them! It can be quite easy to wake up one day and realise you haven’t actually got any! It’s happened to me. When I got divorced, it was me who left and I quickly came to realise that all of my friends were actually his friends wives – they didn’t actually belong to me and overnight they were gone. Now, don’t just go and get yourself any old mates. You must choose wisely! I love a quote from motivational speaker and self help guru, Jim Rohn – ‘You are the average of the five people you spend most time with’. So, if you don’t like the current five fuckers them get em traded in for a better model asap! Choose that close network around you based on those that will build you up not bring you down, that are positive and believe in you… you get the picture. It’s ok to have people in that group who have different values, principles and opinions to you – but still choose wisely – it’s good to be challenged with different opinions etc just not to the extent that it damages your wellbeing.
Habit 4 – Say No to stuff you don’t want to do (or don’t give a fuck about)
Too many women spend a huge chunk of their lives doing shit for other people that they don’t want to do. This ones is closely linked to the habit of self-care, so if you master that one then this one should be ten times easier. However, there’s a little bit of a mindset shift that needs to happen and a bit of skill involved. It’s easier said than done to not give a fuck about something or someone and to be able to say No, so know in advance that it’s gonna take a fair bit of practice to make it a habit. The skill you’re looking to develop here is assertiveness – based on the premise of I’m ok and you’re ok – a balance of courage and consideration. It’s important to be clear though – it’s not about being a twat, it is a risk, I’m not going to lie. You can still be kind and considerate whilst being assertive. You need not resort to aggressiveness, otherwise know as being twatish. If you need a bit of assistance on this one then we have an assertiveness course in our members club and our signature module – The Fuck It Philosophy in our ‘You’re Pretty On It’ secret is right up your street.
Habit 5 – Drop the judgement
The world would be a much more beautiful place if people didn’t judge each other and just accepted each other for the way they are. I never considered myself a judgemental person until I focused on noticing myself more and I was bad! It’s actually really difficult not to judge other people. We don’t help ourselves – when we judge people we actually fuel our own unhappiness. For to judge is to compare and in that moment we reveal far more about ourselves than we do of the judgement we’re making. Let’s take an example – let’s say you notice yourself judging another woman for the dress she is wearing, saying she looks like mutton dressed as lamb. Look to yourself to question and understand why you are saying that? Where does it come from within you? What is it reflecting about you? Perhaps it’s envy? Maybe you’ve always felt uncomfortable in a dress, don’t like you legs etc and therefore you’re jealous of other people who can and do where dresses? You see where this is going? Judging helps nobody. And, quite frankly, what business is it of yours what someone else chooses to wear? Get the fuck over yourself! In a judgement free state you are unshackled to become more accepting of others and yourself which leads to a lovely sense of calm and contentment within you. Try it, you might like it!
Habit 6 – Have bouncebackability
Ooooh I like this word – it reminds me of tigger! However, this is not about being like Tigger. It’s about being resilient and tough – both in body and in mind. Too many people are scraping through life by the skin of their teeth, barely surviving each interaction, let alone the day! But being resilient isn’t about surviving and simply getting through it – it’s about being able to thrive during periods of adversity. There’s more to this than meets the eye but at a surface level it’s about being strong and healthy inside and out. An important point to note is that this isn’t something you can make happen when you’re already in the shit. This is a preventative measure so that you are buoyant when a period of adversity hits. Check in with yourself about how strong your body and your mind are – linked to the habit of self care in some respects – are you taking care of you. If you struggle with this consider looking at your body and mind as your vehicle for life. Without them you go nowhere. With them you can go wherever you like! Just like having a strong body requires you to train and build muscle, so does your brain, treat it like a muscle. You learn different movements to make your body strong and the same applies to your mind. There’s quite a lot of skills development and behavioural change to be had through mindset shifting so it’s worth investing in becoming resilient, being tenacious and having a degree of grit. All of which we can help you with at Violet and Charlie.
Habit 7 – Be present
Most people live life in the fast lane these days and with all the technology we are plugged into 24/7 we’ve lost the art of being mindful and in the moment – being ‘present’. How many times do you get caught by the kids checking your phone when you should be reading a bedtime story? Recently, I found myself feeling quite frazzled and stressed and when I hit the pause button and reflected, it was clearly because I was always chasing the next big thing. I was gaining gratification for my accomplishments briefly and then cracking onto the next one on my list. It’s knackering and soul destroying. Taking the time to bask in your glory is really important to feeling happy and fulfilled. Really connecting with all of your senses in a moment and experiencing it – what is looks like, sounds like, smells like, tastes like, feels like….. When you’re with someone else BE in the moment with them as if you’re in a bubble and nothing else in the world matters. Notice things about them, stuff they’re not saying more than the stuff they are. Remember tiny details about people and next time you see them, ask about how it went? Reconnect with the natural world, explore, get outdoors, look up at the sky and gaze at the stars. Have physical contact – cuddle and hug whenever you can. It will make you feel bloody A…mazing!
If you’re feeling intrigued and want to know more, if this is resonating with you, if you’d like some help in undoing some unhappy habits and forming some of these new happy ones then get in touch. It makes us happy and fulfilled to help! That’s our why!