WARNING: this blog contains the F bomb a lot, not because I’m being a potty mouth, because it happens to be the blog topic. So please excuse my French.
Chloe will tell you that when she first met me, 11 years ago, I was a worrier. I gave a fuck about everything! It was physically and emotionally draining, particularly when it came down to what other people thought of me or what I’d done. It would keep me awake at night almost creating panic attacks on some occasions, my mind was constantly whirring with… well shit!!
Fast forward to the present day. I don’t recognise that person. That’s not me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve not turned into a bitch that doesn’t give a fuck about anything but I now manage my fuck budget very well. I treat giving a fuck as if it were money – I only have a certain amount of fucks to spend. So I spend them wisely!
However my journey to being relatively fuck free has been tough and it’s heightened my awareness to others around me who are also fuck frazzled! There’s so many women experiencing a similar anxiety and I’d love to help set them free.
The person in the world I’d most like to set free is…..wait for it….my mother!
I’ve now come to learn where I inherited the fuck frazzle gene from. Over the last 7/8 years particularly, I’ve been noticing more and more of my mums behaviour. Mum not only has the fuck frazzle gene but she also has doormat syndrome and “I’ll-put-everyone-else-before-myself-itis”
(That’s an actual condition, I’ve just decided. There’s just nowt down for her! Just kiddin).
My mum goes about her everyday life always with a big, beaming smile on her face and everybody who meets her, loves her. She lives her life through others, driven by a strong desire to please other people, to help, to be needed.
Now you may argue, “well if that’s what makes her happy…” and until a few years ago I’d have agreed with you. However, my education in psychology is telling me something different now.
My mum is lost. She has no idea of who she is and what she wants. She has never sought to find the real her. She seeks her validation externally, not internally.
If you listen to her story, which you may well hear one day as it’s likely you will meet her if you choose to spend time with us, you will see she has never been on her own and taken time to discover herself. So Mum, know this, I’m taking you through this programme even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming. This is the new family version of accountability!
She’s stumbled through life, putting up with and making do when she doesn’t have to.
From the outside she appears to be a “faddy” person. She starts something with energy, yet very quickly lets it fizzle out (what do you mean, reminds you of someone?), chopping and changing her mind every 5 minutes. She’s had more jobs than I’ve had hot dinners! She just doesn’t know what she wants.
My mum gives a fuck about EVERYTHING!
She is constantly stressing and worrying about what other people think and over analyses others behaviour, managing to twist it to be about her, reading into it something that JUST ISNT THERE!
I don’t know how she’s still standing.
Amidst all this chaos, front and hardfacedness (is that a word? It is now) she is talented, hardworking, hugely resilient, engaging, positive and caring. All stuff that could be put to good use if she focused it inward rather than outward.
Sound like anyone you know?
Now I’m gonna make it sound easy here… all my mum needs is to press the pause button and figure out her “why”, her purpose, who she really wants to be. Based on that she can make an executive decision about what she wants to give a fuck about. Ta dah!
Yeah right. Easier said than done.
It’s tough, I’ll acknowledge that. The hard bit is taking the first few steps so I’ll make it easy for you by giving you the first 3:
1. Set yourself a fuck budget and spend it wisely. That means only spending them on things that support your “why”.
2. Figure out what causes you the most fuck pain. There will be a theme or pattern to your fucks. Eliminate the bastard that bites you on the arse the most or the hardest! (That might involve a significant chunk of positive self talk btw or get yourself a fuck buddy – not that kind!! Dirty mind! – one that can coach you through changing your mindset)
3. When you feel an unnecessary fuck coming on press the pause button. Your ability to move forward with this stems from self awareness. When you hit pause, ask yourself these 2 questions and take a deep breath:
A) How will giving this fuck benefit me?
B) Is this the best use of my fuck budget?
If you’re hungry for more then check out a couple of our secrets:
You’re Pretty Confident and You’re Pretty On It
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